Demons Within
by KK's Slave
Summary: A Logan, from Veronica Mars, and Peyton fic. Oneshot.


**Disclaimer:** I do not own Logan or Peyton or Haley. One Tree Hill and Veronica Mars are completely out of my reach, which would explain why I'm here writing a fic instead of writing for the show(s).

A Logan/Peyton fic. Again. For Kayla.

* * *

"I hate you!" 

She had not meant it. And he knew so. Yet, they mattered. Gravely. For they were the last words that he'd ever hear escape from her lips. That was the last time he'd ever find her sweet, charismatic voice reaching his ears.

He could not help but chuckle. Ah, the games fate plays with us all! Flooding one's mind with a mirage of endless euphoria … and when one strives to turn the dream into a reality, when one reaches out blindly, attempting to clutch the paradise that never existed in the first place, it simply vanishes … and he tumbles, into an abyss of never ending despair … until a lit candle, flickering frantically, appears before him. And he hurriedly attempts to grasp the handle and prevent the flame from extinguishing, only to realize that it was all an illusion yet again.

He should've known it would not last, he should've known that ultimately, he would be alone yet again. The one constant thing in life is change, is it not? Yet it had felt so enlighteningly eternal, so intensely durable, never to fade … He had truly believed that it would go on forever in that manner – teasing glances, lighthearted banter, fervent touches … what a fool he had been.

A figure approached him, grasping his shoulder, yet he felt nothing. The world ceased to exist; nothing mattered … it was all meaningless without her. As undeniably hackneyed as it sounds, she had been his heart, beating constantly, goading him to breathe, to live. And now his heart had departed, leaving naught behind.

"Do you not wish to see her, Logan?"

The words entered his mind, but he did not register them. Of course he wished to see her, of course he wished to hold her in his arms, whispering soft words of comfort into her tiny ears … but he could not.

He departed the building without a word, letting his feet carry him away from his crumbling existence. All he had created, all he had dreamed lay shattered, leaving only a dull, throbbing ache within him. He wished, he wished he had expired along with his life; only then could he escape from the agony that was splintering his soul.

"I deserve this."

He had to. Why else would he be experiencing such unbearable torture? But what? What had he done?

The words flew out of his mouth before he could stop them. "I killed her."

And in that moment, he realized that he had. He was the one who had asked her to devote her entire life to him, he was the one who had planted his sperm in her angelic womb, he was the one who had somehow managed to swindle her into believing that she wanted to be with him … She didn't belong there. She did not belong in his dark world that only consisted of deception, hatred and anguish. He had killed her, slowly but surely.

And though he wished to return, though he wished to run back and hold his … no, her child in his arms, he could not. He was sure that he would end up destroying the sweet, untarnished infant as well.

"Ahhhh!"

He wished he could escape himself, he wished he could simply vanish. But he did not deserve to die. Death was a savior really, and it would gladly lead him away from the despair that consumed him. But he could not let himself grasp the passage that would take him away from his misery.

Letting out yet another heart-wrenching scream, he crumpled his fist into a ball and struck it through the window of a nearby car. The glass splintering his hand felt excruciatingly invigorating, and he watched silently as the cold, red liquid poured out of his cuts, traveling to the tip of his fingers and landing, drop by drop, onto the ground.

He felt dead, yet alive, a repenting sinner roaming the paths of Hell.

"Oh Logan."

He'd recognize that voice anywhere – Haley James. One of their closest friends. And one of those people who'd never leave you alone, even if you begged for it.

"Please, Hales. Just … just go."

And, as expected, the woman simply took a step towards him, shaking her head. "What the hell are you doing to yourself? Do you think she wanted this!"

"She didn't want to die either," he retorted, turning away, "but I couldn't just let be live, could I?"

"What the fuck are you talking about?"

"I killed her, Hales!" He banged his head against the car repetitively, causing Haley to jump back in shock. "Goddamnit, I killed her!" He sank to the ground, weeping profusely, his chest convulsing heavily. "I-I killed her …"

Haley, cringing slight, approached him, bending down to pat his head. What should one do in such a situation? What could one say? "You didn't kill her, Logan."

"I did, damnit! I did!" He gathered himself off the ground and flung himself at the car, deeply bruising his body.

"Logan …"

"Leave me the fuck alone, Hales!"

All the patience that Haley had within her seeped away instantly, and before she could register exactly what she was doing, a thundering slap had landed on Logan's cheek. "What the hell is wrong with you! Why do you always blame yourself for every single damn thing?"

"Because it's my damn fault!"

"For getting her pregnant? For making her happy? For giving her the one thing she wanted – a child?"

"She isn't exactly around to see the child, Hales!"

"But you are! And instead of singing your kid back to sleep, you are here, in the middle of nowhere, assaulting a damn car!"

"I can't go there, Hales! I just …I can't."

"So what? Your child is going to grow up without a father? Is that what you're about to give her?"

"It'd be better than growing up with me as a father!" He paused. "Hales, I want to be alone."

"I don't think I can leave you alone. You'd end up killing yourself!"

"The world would be better off."

Another slap.

"Logan, you have to see your child. You can't do this. You aren't the only one suffering here – you have to think about others too! There's a beautiful baby in the hospital right now who … who doesn't have a parent. Are you going to deny her, her father as well?"

"I'm thinking of her, Hales. I am. That's why I think it's better if-"

"No. I'm not going to let yourself make the biggest mistake of your life."

"Why the hell does it matter to you?"

"Because you are my friend! And even if you weren't, Peyton is."

"Was."

"Is, Logan, is. Think about Peyton for once, Logan. If not for yourself, do this for her. Just … once. That's it. You haven't even seen your child yet, Logan. Just see her once, and then we'll figure all this out. Okay?"

"I …"

"Logan. Peyton wanted a family. You've given her that. Her heart will break to see that family dissipate. Just once, Logan."

He sighed, defeated. "Okay."

Haley smiled slightly. "Good. Now let's get you out of here before you are arrested for attempting to rob a random car or something. And we have to get you cleaned up. I don't want Spashley to see you all gross and bleeding."

"Spashley?" Logan asked, clearly confused.

"From South of Nowhere?" Logan blinked. "Never mind. I can call my best friend's daughter anything I want to, can't I?"

* * *

Dark hazel eyes. Soft blonde curls. A positively angelic smile. Almost an exact replica of her mother. 

"How am I supposed to do the virtuous thing when I see this?" he whispered to himself, gingerly touching his daughter's cheek.

"The virtuous thing would be to fulfill your duty as her father, Logan."

"I want to." He closed his eyes. "I'm scared. What if I … what if I ruin her?"

"I don't think it's possible to do such a thing."

And perhaps, just perhaps, Hales was right. Maybe he was being selfish – he was pretty sure he was, but he could not turn away. He just could not.

"What are you going to name her, Logan?"

"I.." He hadn't given it one thought. But as he grazed his eyes over those ethereal features, only one word came to mind. "Peyton."

"Damn. I was hoping you'd use my suggestion." Haley smiled slightly, watching Logan wrap his … no, his and Peyton's child with a blanket. "But Peyton's a fitting name."

Logan smile back, and Haley was surprised to find that it was quite genuine. "I thought so too."

"So?"

"So what?"

Haley groaned. "You are such a pain in the ass."

"Yes." His gaze returned to the sleeping angel in his arms. "Yes, I'm going to … try. I can't leave."

"Thank the lord! I swear, you men are so damn … gah. I'm glad I switched teams long ago." Logan chuckled to himself. "Logan. Are you okay?"

"No." He sighed. "This … this isn't something you can recover from, I don't think. I am not okay, Hales. But …" He planted a soft, lingering kiss on baby Peyton's forehead. "But I … I will be. One day."

A solitary tear rolled down his cheek and landed on his child's forehead. He brushed it away, smiling. "I have to be, don't I? I have Peyton now."

* * *


End file.
